We Don't Have to Say Forever
by holygoof101
Summary: She's not searching for an explanation or closure, she just wants him there. At least for one more night. He can at least give her that. Finchel post Goodbye drabble/oneshot.


A/N: So this may or may not have been written, edited and posted via my husband's Ipad that I am less than proficient with (but a big thanks to my husband for being the technology geek he is and breaking the weekend technology ban to show me how to do all of that), so forgive me if it's full of more mistakes than usual. This is what happens when I am stuck in the woods with a lot of country music playing. Title and inspiration come from a little bit of personal experience, a lot of beer and Come Over by Kenny Chesney.

0000  
The train ride back to Lima makes her uneasy. It's the same feeling she got on the subway. So now she knows its trains that make her uneasy. And she knows why. She's always believed first times set the tone for every other comparable experience.

Her first time on a train was unexpected. She thought she was going to marry the love of her life and instead he put her on a train. After that she cried the entire train ride to New York. And once she was off the train it took everything in her not to keep crying for the next few weeks. It wasn't New York's fault. New York was everything she had always dreamed it would be, it was just missing something. It was missing someone. It was missing Finn. She had never thought she'd be one of those girls who planned their life with a guy involved, but Finn wasn't just a guy. He was Finn. She knew from the first time she sang with him that he would be a part of her future. A future that was now staring her in the face. A future he told her he wasn't going to be a part of. He meant the best, she knew he meant the best because he's Finn and even when he's doing ridiculous things he still means the best. So she knew he best, but his good intentions broke her heart.

So train rides make her uneasy because now they just signal something bad. It's like all those stupid superstitions she knew about. Don't say Macbeth on a stage, or people who have to say a chant before a football game, Finn had taught her about that one. She has a hundred of her own superstitions. Any number of things that mean bad luck. She didn't need a new one. But now she has a new superstition because she can't get on a train without expecting something bad to happen. As soon as the doors close she just expects the worst.

The trains whistle blows and she feels the movement slow down as they prepare to come to a stop. She hopes that she can let go of her train superstition. She hopes that when she steps off the train she won't see her dads there. As she pulls her bag over her shoulder she prays that when she gets off the train Finn will be there waiting to pick her up. But he's not there. Her dads are there, and Kurt's there. They're grabbing at her bag and asking questions at a mile a minutes. They aren't giving her time to think, which she knows is probably part of their plan to get her home without her asking about Finn. So she puts on her best smile and politely answers their questions. Some of them she even manages to answer with enthusiasm. And she doesn't ask about Finn, maybe because she doesn't want to hear their answers, or maybe because she'd just rather find out for herself.

00000

Finn's still in Lima. She knows this because she couldn't stop herself from looking out the window as they drove past Burt's shop. It was just a glance but it was enough of a glance for her to see him rolling a tire inside. She didn't ask Kurt for fear he'd tell her that it wasn't Finn, that the man rolling the tire inside was just some high school kid his dad hired for the summer. Even if she would have asked and gotten that as an answer, she would have known better. Finn's still in Lima.

00000

She's sitting of the edge of her bed tossing her phone back and forth between her hands. It's a motional she's familiar with. She used to do it when she was waiting for him to call or text. Left to right, then back to left, then back to right, then a pause to look at the screen. This isn't the first time she's done this. It isn't even the first time she's done it recently. She did it in New York. She spent every night sitting on the edge of her hotel bed tossing her phone back and forth between her hands waiting for him to call or text. Waiting for him to tell her he was wrong and he'd made a huge mistake and he was on the first train out. It never happened. So she just spent her nights looking between the ceiling and her phone waiting. This isn't the first time she's sat on the edge of her bed playing with her phone because of him but this time it's different.

This time she isn't waiting on him. This time she's tossing her phone back and forth trying to work up the nerve to call him. Trying to figure out what she's going to say if he answers. When he answers because she knows he'll answer. He has to answer because she's calling him and she hasn't called yet. Not so long ago she would have called nonstop until he answered or turned his phone off. But she hasn't called yet so he has to answer when she finally gets the nerve. He just has to... Because she's not sure she'll be able to do it again.

She brings the phone to her ear and listens as it rings, once, twice, when it hits the third ring the feeling washes over her. Like she knows he's on the other end just staring at her name on the screen wondering what he's going to say when he picks up. She knows because she's thinking the same thing.

"Hey." His voice is quiet and rough as he lets the word out in a breath.

"Hey." All the things that she'd thought of to say and all she can get out is a hushed 'Hey.' Which is followed by a long and uncomfortable pause as she listens to him breathe. A million thoughts rush to her mind, spinning together and not giving her anything to say. She takes a deep steadying breath and composes herself. "How are you?"

"Alright. How's New York?"

"New York was nice. But I'm back in Lima for now. Until school actually starts." This isn't the conversation she expected. He has to know she's back in Lima. She talked to Kurt everyday she was away. Kurt knew Finn had to know as well. Unless he didn't ask. The simple thought starts to shatter her heart all over again; she can feel herself starting to break. "I miss you."

There's a huff into the phone that precedes silence between them again. She can't take this. She can't take him acting like he doesn't care because she knows better. He let her go for her own good, and then he chased after the train, so he's not allowed to act like he doesn't care. It's not fair to either of them. "Don't do this Finn. Don't act like you don't care. You can't spring something like that on me and just expect that I'm going to be okay with it." Her voice finally breaks as the last words come out. She waits for him to say something, to say anything. He's searching for something to say, and she knows that. She knows that he's looking for something to say that will make what he did and how he did it okay. "You don't get to spring something like that on me and expect me to move on like we were nothing. We were... We are something special so don't act like we aren't."

"Rachel I-" There's panic in his voice, and she can sense him retreating.

"Don't hang up." She quickly stops him. "Just come over. If this is really how things are going to be... If this is really how you want them, then fine. I'll abide, tomorrow. But tonight just come over. Just give me one last night with you and I'll know. In the morning I'll know how things are going to be. And I won't call, I won't press. I'll surrender and I'll do it your way. But tonight just come over." It's desperate plea, and she knows that. She should be past this, these desperate pleas to him. There's been so many of them before. But she doesn't know if that will ever happen. As long as there's still a chance she'll keep pleading with him. "Finn just come over. We don't even have to talk about anything... I just... I need you here, at least for tonight."

"You better than this." His will is breaking, it's obviously in the way he mumbles the words at her.

"I am better than this. But I'm not better than you."

0000

She sneaks him in after midnight. She thinks her dads have a lot more respect for him after what he did for her but that doesn't mean they'll be okay with him spending the night. And even if they would be okay with him spending the night she doesn't want to explain the circumstances to them.

It's not the reunion she expected. He's quiet even after she's assured him everyone else is asleep. He's quiet and just sitting on her bedroom floor stoic. She bites down on her bottom lip and searches for a way to break this ice. She sinks down next to him and places her hand on his knee. "I shouldn't have forced you into coming here. I just..."

"I want to be here." He nods and looks to her with the redness of tears in his eyes. "I just thought I was done crying over this. I thought if I did the right thing, the one thing I knew was right that everything would be okay. Like even if you didn't know it, I did. I know it's the right thing and you were supposed to go out to New York and-"

"And forget about you?" She watches as his lips form a tight line and he nods at her. "How I am I supposed to ever forget about you? It's not going to happen. Even if we never work, you were the first person to make me feel like I was special. You were the first person, outside of my dads, to ever love me for exactly who I am. How am I supposed to just forget you? Can you just forget me?" She watches as his head shakes no before he thrusts it back against her bed.

"I could never forget you. You knew who I was when I didn't even know."

"And I still do." She whispers as she traces her fingers over his cheek and down his jaw. "We don't have to figure anything out tonight. Just stay here with me and know that we're something special. Tomorrow we can go back to letting the Universe do its thing, I promise." She whispers before she brushes her lips against his cheek and slides them over to his lips. His head lifts and his body shifts closers to hers just as his fingers slide into her hair. She knows tomorrow will come and she'll have to make good on her word but she doesn't care. Maybe they're not meant to figure anything out right now but the right now feels too right for it not to be some kind of answer. She's spent too much time looking into the future; right now all that matters is the right now.

000

The first hints of sunrise start to bleed through her window and wake her, the way they always have. She reaches across the bed, her body searching for Finn's only to find the other side empty. She shoots up in a panic as her eyes frantically search the room. The other side of the bed is perfectly made; his clothing is gone from the floor where it's been discarded the night before. There's no sign her was ever even there. It's like the night before was just a dream. Except the side of the bed he slept on is still warm. A slight whistling noise catches her attention as she looks to see the wind blowing her curtains around through the window that was left open. His escape route before morning light. They had never perfected a way for him to close the window from outside and he never did want to wake her when he left. She squeezes eyes closed and fights back the tears. It wasn't just a dream. He was there, they had been together and he had been there. She buries her face into the blankets, his scent was still there. She inhales deeply trying to take in every detail of the smell as she fights back the tears. He gave her one last night, one night where she knew what the next day would bring. She just didn't realize he would leave before she could get a chance to convince him to give her one more. But he did and she promised him she'd do it his way now. So she breathes in deeply, taking in everything she can about his scent and the sound of the wind coming through the window. They're the only signs she has left that he was there. And she doesn't know when he'll be there again. She just knows eventually he will be.


End file.
